it was like eating out sand paper
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
