Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
