yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
