as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
