um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
