shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
