he wants to bone in the snuggie
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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