so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
