paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
