You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
