I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
