I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
