I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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