maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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