the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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