ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
