Your mouth is God's brothel.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize