A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize