I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
