You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
