he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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