which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Church boner. Awkwardddd
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
