you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
