Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
