Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
