i think my tv is drunk
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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