I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
