you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
