Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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