There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
