dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
