And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
