I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
