I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize