everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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