The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
