My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
