i just wanna soil my oats bro
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
