My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
