By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
