Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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