I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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