you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Never joke about your clitoris.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize