Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
