its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
