Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
