I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
