Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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