Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
