I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
