I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize