My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
