I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
