he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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