my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
