Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
