It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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