ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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