My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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