When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We had sex on a dog bed..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
