Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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