My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
