She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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