It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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