chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
