Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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