You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
