If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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